Here are 100 hilarious diet quotes to bring some humor into the challenge of dieting:
- “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.”
- “A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.”
- “Dieting is the penalty for exceeding the feed limit.”
- “I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.”
- “Dear diet, things just aren’t going to work out between us. It’s not me, it’s you. You’re tasteless, boring, and I can’t stop cheating on you.”
- “I followed a diet, but it kept finding me.”
- “My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called lunch.”
- “I tried a low-carb diet once. Just lasted until breakfast.”
- “I wish I was one of those people who gets up at 5 a.m. to run. But I’m not. I’m the other kind. The kind who gets up at 9 a.m. to eat.”
- “My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.” — Orson Welles
- “The only running I do is running out of patience with this diet.”
- “I’m not fat, I’m just easier to see.”
- “You know it’s time to diet when you push away from the table and the table moves with you.”
- “Dieting is the art of teaching your body that it can’t have what it wants.”
- “I’m not on a diet. I’m on a ‘eat all you want but don’t gain weight’ program. It’s not working.”
- “Salads are just a way of apologizing for being hungry later.”
- “Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.” — Jim Davis
- “I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in 14 days I lost two weeks.” — Joe E. Lewis
- “I’m on a 30-day diet. So far, I’ve lost 15 days.”
- “Diet tip: If you eat standing up, your body won’t know you’ve eaten.”
- “Chocolate is cheaper than therapy, and you don’t need an appointment.”
- “The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humor.”
- “If you keep good food in your fridge, you will eat good food. If you keep cupcakes in your fridge, you will eat cupcakes.”
- “I may be on a diet, but I’m not a quitter.”
- “A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit.”
- “I tried a new diet: no eating after 6 p.m. It lasted until 6:15 p.m.”
- “I eat cheese because no one should have to diet with sadness in their heart.”
- “I don’t diet. I just eat according to my wardrobe.”
- “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.”
- “I’m trying to eat more vegetables, so I’m having carrot cake and zucchini bread.”
- “The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook.” — Julia Child
- “Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.”
- “I just don’t want to look back one day and think, ‘I could’ve eaten that.'”
- “If you’re on a diet, you’re either hungry, cranky, or thinking about food.”
- “My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.”
- “I’m on a diet. I’ve lost 10 pounds. I just have to lose 10 more times that much!”
- “Diet day 1: I removed all the bad food from the house. It was delicious.”
- “Why did I start this diet? It was a missed steak.”
- “I’m on a diet. I’ve lost a few inches… from my personality.”
- “My diet plan: Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look.”
- “If we’re not supposed to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
- “I don’t think I could ever diet. I’m more of a ‘live to eat’ kind of person.”
- “Calories don’t count on the weekend.”
- “A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands.”
- “Never trust a skinny chef.”
- “I’m on the 3 C’s diet: Chocolate, Chips, and Cookies.”
- “Diet food is for people who are thick and tired of it.”
- “If you’re afraid of butter, use cream.” — Julia Child
- “My body’s saying ‘bacon,’ but my heart’s saying ‘salad.’”
- “I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.”
- “Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. Except cupcakes.”
- “I don’t need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hand.”
- “I told myself I should stop eating junk food, but then I’m not a quitter.”
- “Dear diet, I think we need to see other people.”
- “I eat whatever I want, and if anyone tries to lecture me, I eat them too.”
- “I don’t diet. I’m just in a very committed relationship with food.”
- “Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before every meal. It’ll take the edge off your appetite, and you’ll eat less.”
- “A waist is a terrible thing to mind.”
- “I love pizza. Yes, even when I’m on a diet. There, I said it.”
- “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”
- “A party without cake is just a meeting.” — Julia Child
- “I don’t diet. I just don’t eat as much as I want.”
- “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. Except everything.”
- “Exercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
- “If you’re on a diet and no one sees you eat it, it doesn’t count.”
- “I want to lose weight, but I don’t want to get caught in one of those vicious ‘eat healthy’ cycles.”
- “Eat cake today, because tomorrow is never promised.”
- “Dieting is the only game where you win when you lose.”
- “I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put cupcakes on the floor.”
- “I tried to diet, but I couldn’t give up the dream of being able to eat pizza for breakfast.”
- “Calories are little creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter every night.”
- “I want to have a good body, but not as much as I want dessert.”
- “I’ve expanded my diet. It’s called ‘eat more, weigh less.’”
- “I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.”
- “I’m not gaining weight. I’m a nutritional overachiever.”
- “Eat clean, stay fit, and have a burger to stay sane.”
- “I’m on a diet. I’ll add that to the list of things I’ll start tomorrow.”
- “The fridge is a clear example that what matters is on the inside.”
- “I tried running, but I kept spilling my ice cream.”
- “Is butter a carb?” — Mean Girls
- “My diet plan: Make all of my friends gain weight so I look skinnier.”
- “I’m not fat. I’m just easier to see.”
- “Diet day 1: All the bad food is gone. Day 2: I replaced it.”
- “If I don’t eat in five minutes, something inside me will explode. Probably my stomach lining.”
- “My favorite workout is lifting the remote from the couch.”
- “I only work out because I really, really, really, really, really, really, like desserts.”
- “I’m trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.”
- “People who love to eat are always the best people.” — Julia Child
- “My diet plan: Eat all the cookies and make sure none of them go to waste.”
- “I don’t exercise. If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.”
- “I like long walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me.”
- “Life is too short to eat boring food.”
- **”I’m on a diet. I’ve lost
10 pounds… and my will to live.”**
- “I only exercise on days that start with ‘S’: Saturday and Sunday.”
- “The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.”
- “Good things come to those who sweat… and eat cake.”
- “I don’t run. If you see me running, you should run too because something is probably chasing me.”
- “I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.”
- “My goal this weekend is to move just enough so people know I’m still alive.”
- “A diet is the only game where you win when you lose.”
These quotes are a fun way to lighten up any diet journey!